


On Laughing And Happiness

by PastyPirate



Series: Worst Kept Secret In The Rebellion [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, I desperately ignore canon, Mentions of Sex, married, married with a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9258503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastyPirate/pseuds/PastyPirate
Summary: The holograph was from his parent’s wedding- that’s information he retained from being told- and like always, it’s cast in a blue hue. His parents were dancing, waltzing, but he couldn’t see their feet, he could just tell from the way his arms are around her, and how she’s clutching his shirt, smiling up at him. He throws back his head and laughs which always made Cassian wonder if he could ever laugh like that. If he’d ever find happiness again. He’d tried to mimic his dad’s laugh once or twice before, echoing the deep belly laugh which is the only audio on the holograph. He does it in situations where he needs someone to like him, or he’s desperate to feel something- with mixed results.Five Times Cassian laughed like his father, and one time someone else did.





	

_The holograph was from his parent’s wedding- that’s information he retained from being told- and like always, it’s cast in a blue hue. His parents were dancing, waltzing, but he couldn’t see their feet, he could just tell from the way his arms are around her, and how she’s clutching his shirt, smiling up at him. He throws back his head and laughs which always made Cassian wonder if he could ever laugh like that. If he’d ever find happiness again. He’d tried to mimic his dad’s laugh once or twice before, echoing the deep belly laugh which is the only audio on the holograph. He does it in situations where he needs someone to like him, or he’s desperate to feel something- with mixed results._

1.  
Willex, Cassian’s first undercover officer, didn’t have a handle on the laugh. He tried it once, in a sea of officers, and all he got was awkward looks. Cassian didn’t try again. 

2.  
Cassian felt that trying to win the droid he’d rescued was probably detracting from the overall mission, but it’d been his fault that the droid stumbled into the hutt’s grasp anyways. 

It was a sandy miserable planet, Cassian wasn't even sure what the name was. The hutt is a big lurking creature but at the stalwart age of seventeen Cassian has seen more grotesque creatures. Both in personality and in physique. 

“Agent Willex-” Cassian shot the droid a glare to shut it up, the hutt currently thought Cassian wanted to sell the droid for parts- they couldn't know that Cassian actually wanted to _save_ the droid or they'd never let him have it, the glare didn't work, “why are you looking at me like that? Your probability of winning is-” 

“High.” Cassian supplied, slapping his cards down before staring down the hutt. 

The hutt made a lot of noise, Cassian didn't speak their language but he knew the general gist of is probably something to the effect of _this tiny man cheated._

“So I'll be taking this droid-” 

“K2-SO, Agent Willex” the droid supplied, actually helpful for once, as pretending not to know the droid’s name was supposed to undermine how much Cassian wanted the droid back. 

“-Kaytu back to my ship and all this-” he reached out to pull the pile of money towards himself, on of the hutt's bodyguards leaned forward, a malicious glint in his eye. Cassian didn't need the money, so he figured it was better to cut his losses. He jumped back as the guard reached for him, slamming into the droid. Steely arms closed around him and for a split second Cassian thought about the old stories of droids with freedom who killed humans for fun. 

The droid didn't kill him, instead the droid lifted Cassian (who did his best to hold on to the frames by folding his own arms over them) up into the air, just in time for Cassian to kick the guard who was lunging for him in the face. 

The hutt was making a guttural noise that Cassian realized was _screaming_ as the droid moved slowly and surely to the balcony. Cassian's fear of death had disappeared ten years before but he still scrambled for a better hold when he realized what the droid was about to do. 

The droid was built for long corridors, not for jumping off a third story building into a busy street below, still they survived. The droid’s knees whirred as he tried to stand upright. Cassian dropped to the ground, ignoring the screaming pedestrians and the now demolished stand that held mostly fruit. 

“Come on, we gotta go-” Cassian tugged the droid’s arm and the droid began to follow slow at first but managing to pick up the pace as Cassian did. They ran down alley ways and around vendors. Cassian is lean and fast, but he has no idea who works for the hutts. The droid lumbered awkwardly behind him, fast but clumsy, leaving a trail of destruction behind them. 

After countless turns and changing direction, Cassian spotted an abandoned alley to hide in. He shoved the droid into a nook, doing his best to hide them both as he waited for the hutt’s lackeys to run past them. 

“I’m beginning to suspect that you are not an Agent of the empire-” 

“Droid, you’ve got to stop talking,” Cassian muttered, and the droid leaned over Cassian, as if trying to get a better view of the street. 

“I’d prefer it if you called me Kaytu as you did before,” There was a stomp of feet, and Cassian nudged the droid back, hoping the darkness of the alley shielded them. The stomping feet didn’t turn down the alley. 

“You’ve changed me,” the droid accused, and Cassian turned to face him, craning his neck back so he could look at the massive droid- Kaytu. 

“Yes,” he answered, shooting another glance at the street, “I’ve programmed you to have free will.” 

“Just another reason why I suspect you do not work for the empire, in addition, your records state that you are twenty-five but you look much younger. Human years are difficult for droids to comprehend but-” Kaytu was speaking too much, too loudly, and shushing him didn’t seem to work. 

“I’m seventeen,” Cassian wasn’t even sure if Draven knew his real age, at this point he could be eighteen, it wasn’t like he remembered when his birthday was. 

“Why did you reprogram me?” 

Cassian shrugged, stepping back. They were safe for now, but it’d be a rough trip to the landing pad. 

“Why did you let me wander off?” 

That had just been an accident. Cassian hadn’t been planning to _take_ the droid with him, just set him free. 

“Listen, I’m an agent with the rebellion, I gave you free will because, well because I did. And you’re free to do whatever you want but I have to get back now,” Cassian moved towards the alley, his blaster at the ready. He looked back at Kaytu, his massive frame took up most of the alley. 

Kaytu’s eyes shifted, light glinting in the dark, as if studying Cassian “I could be a rebel.” 

It bubbled up in him, and burst out, manic and loud. His father’s laugh. The rebellion was going to _kill_ him. He spent three months undercover, his downtime was supposed to be spent infiltrating the soldiers, not reprogramming the droid who worked with him. Definitely not then setting the droid free, and having to take a massive detour to save the droid, then bring the droid back to base. 

“Is that laughter? What is so entertaining about this situation?” Kaytu tilted his head, swiveling before lowering it to focus in on him. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it. If we survive you can be a rebel with me,” Cassian turned around, rolling his eyes as he did so, “All we have to do is get to the base. 

“That doesn’t sound too hard.” 

The urge to laugh had passed, but Cassian grinned again, and stepped out into the streets of the winding city. 

 

3.  
Sward was great at the laugh, he did it often. At the lamest puns to the wittiest of jokes- they all got the laugh. The head thrown back and the deep chested laughter. Cassian managed to make it work, pulling in all sorts of attention- the attention he needed to make the connections to get the information he needed. 

Still, it was easier when he was Joreth Sward with his wife, Jera. Jera who stared at him across the pool, her eyes glittering in the sun as she watched him. The laugh came quick and easy, and was very nearly honest. 

4.  
The first time he does it as himself and he’s not at the edge of death, is when he’s twenty-eight. It’s too early in the morning, there’s gunk in his eyes and he most uncomfortable crick in his neck that he’s going have to spend the whole morning working out. 

Bodhi fell into step next to him, elbowing Cassian as he arched an eyebrow. “So, do anything interesting last night?” 

It burst out of Cassian, the laugh. Deep from his chest, until the motion carries him, his hand slapping across his knee which is a new step all together. 

Grinning, Bodhi veered away, towards his own ship. Afterall Bodhi didn’t need an answer, he’d been one of two people in the audience, as Chirrut led them in a simple ceremony. Jyn stood before him, smiling wider than he’d ever seen her smile before. 

It was Cassian’s first morning as a married man, and he can’t help but laugh because for the first time in his life, he’s just so damn _happy_.

5.  
Cassian wasn't sure where he'd be when the empire fell, frankly he thought he’d be dead, but he definitely didn't think he'd spend the first night of victory holding someone's hair as they saw all their ale go into the toilet. 

“Let it all out Bodhi,” Cassian tried to mumble reassuringly, but he was more than a little drunk himself. “I am not going to do my wife justice tonight.”

He didn't mean to say that aloud, but it spurred bodhi to retch again. 

“Why, why would you say that?” Bodhi rested his face on the edge of the toilet seat. And for a second Cassian contemplated not having Bodhi in his life, his awkward friend who blamed himself far too much. His friend who summoned all the bravery he could and almost died for it when they barely knew each other. 

“Get your face off the toilet, Bodhi.” Cassian reached forward and grabbed Bodhi’s hair as Bodhi shifted, retching into the toilet. “Get it all out”

It's another hour before Cassian is relieved by a grinning Chirrut, who had disappeared at about the same time as the announcement as Baze did. Cassian decided it’d be best not to ask. 

By his mark it’d been two hours since he left his wife to the festivities. Last he had seen her, she’d poured a shot of alcohol down his throat that burned like fire. He hadn't had the luxury of indulging in more than one drink in years, and he’s far more drunk than he should be, but he's surrounded by cheering and happy soldiers. 

It's not hard to find Jyn, she’s standing on a table with a group of men and women that Cassian recognized as being from the same planet jyn’s mother was from. They're teaching Jyn a dance and she had more enthusiasm than skill, but she's laughing and her feet are moving. The smile is infectious- he feels his own smile mirroring her own as he strode up to her. 

Jyn noticed him quickly, and her feet stop matching her peers, and she lunged. A public display of affection isn't common for them- they'd been married for almost two years and still some colleagues didn't know- but it was a night of festivity. He caught her, easily, as the music shifts to something more familiar. He held her, straddling his hips as she held her up by her thighs. 

He recognized it before she did, because he’d heard it with instruments and she had only ever heard him sing it. 

“Is this-?” She asked, pointing in the vague direction of the band, instead missing widely and whacking someone in the head. 

“It is, it’s-” before he can name the song, she’s leaning forward, a wicked smile on her mouth and a glint in her eye. 

“You sing it better,” she said conspiratorially, before whispering in his ear, “and I'm sure your encore is better.”

For once he knows it’s coming before it happens, he can feel the joy take root, the laughter build. It feels right, _organic_ to throw his head back and laugh with his wife in his arms. 

 

+1  
Cassian is promoted the same day Jyn quit. 

Jyn laughed about it later, but Cassian was slightly worried that Jyn would get bored being the wife of the officer in a station on a planet in the outer rim. Jyn waved off his concerns, as she often did, and told him she’d keep busy. 

True to her word, Jyn kept busy. Jyn worked a variety of jobs in the town adjacent to the station, the one that stuck is being a bartender in a bar. She lied about her husband to her patrons so she could gather intel if needed- even after the rebellion is said and done they’re still kind of a secret. After two months of being a bartender, Jyn decided to go back to school. She juggled being a bartender and being a student with the same finesse that she approached everything in life; stalwart determination.

Meanwhile, Cassian worked steadily, in the same place, in the same office, with the same people, day after day. It’s work he enjoys, and it’s fulfilling. It’s also endlessly weird to him, to have this sort of repetition and stability. 

It’s a surreal slice of life that Cassian never thought he’d get to see. He’s _happy_. Sure there’s moments- the work could be stressful, the hours long. They’re not without their marital disputes either. Jyn came home one night with a bruised eye and Cassian spent two days trying to figure out how to get her to quit without actually telling her to quit. Jyn, who has never been an idiot, recognized it instantly and obstinately refused to leave. His hours are weird and so is hers, there’s a period where they only see each other for five minutes a day over the course of two weeks. 

It wasn’t exactly the best time to have a baby. 

Cassian narrowed the conception to two possible times. The first was when Jyn got him drunk at the bar (as he was an occasional patron), grinning the whole time, until he very seductively suggested they recreate their first time in the storage closet. She laughed but went along with it. The second time was the next morning, they had a full day off together, and they didn’t bother to get out of bed until late afternoon. Then it was only to grab a few snacks for energy. 

The baby came screaming into the world nine months later. Jyn barely screamed at all during the birth- something Cassian had heard was common- but she did threaten to castrate Cassian as soon as she got her hands on a weapon. 

She seemed to forget her threat once Gal Erso-Andor joined them, and honestly Cassian thought being castrated would be a fair price to pay for such a perfect baby. 

Gal smiled more in the first three months of her life than her parents had in their entire lives combined. Cassian wasn’t sure what two surly spies did in order to deserve such a happy and peaceful baby, but they had her. 

The station was remote, and baby supplies were limited. Cassian didn’t feel right taking a crib from anyone who actually needed it. Instead the baby slept between the two of them, both of them beyond cautious. 

The news of Baby Erso-Andor spread, slowly but surely, and at four months Cassian found himself standing at the edge of the tarmac as a cargo ship landed. 

Kaytu had adamantly insisted that it was his turn to hold the baby, so Gal was folded in his arms, a foot above Cassian and Jyn’s head. Cassian and Jyn stood with a foot between them, to the casual observer they were nothing more than old friends. 

Chirrut disembarked first, walking straight for the baby as if it hadn’t been more than a year since he saw Cassian and Jyn. Baze, equipped with more weapons than was absolutely necessary for the time of peace they lived in, was right behind him. Lastly came Bodhi, smiling and grinning. 

The tiny house at the edge of town was more packed with voices and chatter than it had been ever in it’s life. Jyn and Baze stood in the kitchen, discussing something in low tones. Boxes of baby equipment were strewn about the room, in various stages of unpacked. Chirrut was recounting a story to Cassian, who did his best to follow along while ignoring Bodhi. 

Bodhi leaned over Cassian’s shoulders to make faces at Gal. She was nestled in Cassian’s arms, but her chubby fingers were reaching upwards to clench at Bodhi’s face. Kaytu grabbed Bodhi by the scruff of his neck to shift him back so he himself could stare at the baby. 

Gal responded with a cackle of laughter, clapping her hands together. Cassian smiled down at his daughter, before shooting a look at Jyn who leaned back on the counter, grinning. 

“She has a wonderful laugh,” Chirrut informed Cassian, as if Cassian didn’t witness it himself. 

“That was her first one, her first laugh,” Cassian, smiled down at her, for the first time in years he thinks, purposefully, about the hologram. The way his father used to throw his head back and laugh, with everything he had. He thought about the dark years where he thought he’d never laugh again. The years where he wished for the hologram again, just to hear his father’s laugh one more time. How he’d desperately tried to mimic it, the few times it came out organically and now, he heard it again, “it sounded like my father’s laugh.”

**Author's Note:**

> andddd I'm spent. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I think this is the first time I actually finished all planned fics for a fandom. I think this series is done until I randomly get inspired again. 
> 
> I was originally only going to do the three parts at various stages in their relationship but writing about Cassian's dad made me think to write a 5 times fic. 
> 
> The name doesn't fit the naming scheme but I did my best!


End file.
